


Not yours (not anymore)

by ColorfulWarlock



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode: s02e20 Beside Still Water, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Malec Discord Server WINGO, Post-Break Up, Sad Ending, Suicide, Wingfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:40:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24362944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColorfulWarlock/pseuds/ColorfulWarlock
Summary: “Liar…” Alec’s tears ran unrestrained on his face while he faced the city, once more at the Institute’s rooftop. “You called me a liar, but so are you, Magnus.”
Comments: 29
Kudos: 84
Collections: Wingo Summer





	Not yours (not anymore)

**Author's Note:**

> I... don't know what I just did.  
> Too many feelings I guess.
> 
> TW: Please, PLEASE, this story contains a suicide act. If this is triggering for you, DON'T read, please. Be safe!!!
> 
> Square fill: Mood wings

When Alec was born, his wings were white. Pure, immaculate as any child’s innocence.

When Izzy was born, Alec’s wings simmered to a bright yellow, joyful as his smile for having that precious baby girl to protect until his last breath.

When Jace first came to the Institute, Alec’s wings flared in a mixture of golden wonder and fluttering pink. His soon-to-be _parabatai_ and brother for life.

When Max was born, green and blue danced along his feathers. Another piece of his heart settled and he promised to continue doing his best to protect his family. His everything.

Then, the responsibilities started. His parents’ pressure. Be stronger, be smarter, be _better_.

His wings stayed gray for years.

One day, Clary Fray crashed his life and everything became a mess of gray, black, brown, dark red. He felt anger, jealousy, sadness. He felt lost.

When he thought he was going to finally drown, Magnus Bane happened. His wings were indecisive between a passionately red or a bright blue.

For a long time, they stayed blue. Blue like Magnus’ magic.

Each kiss exploded in gold, blue, gold, blue. Alive, happy, in love.

Their first time brought full golden feathers exactly like Magnus’ cat eyes.

For blissful weeks, Alec felt nothing would change that. Yes, the world around them was collapsing, but for the first time in his life he allowed himself a brief moment of happiness and want and hope.

Until the Soul Sword incident.

Magnus tried to save Max’s life that night, but ended up only breaking Alec’s heart.

Alec’s feathers started to darken.

On the rooftop of the Institute, he screamed until his lungs burned and his fingers numbed. He didn’t care if someone would hear him. He spent all his life burying his feelings and dreams. For once, he wanted to grieve the only thing he allowed himself to have and lost. That was the only moment he had, though. They needed to find Valentine and Jonathan before it was too late.

It wasn’t too late, but there was a price.

Valentine killed Jace before raising the Angel. Clary killed Valentine, but before she could make a wish, Clave’s soldiers showed up and seized her.

Jace stayed dead.

As a part of Alec’s soul.

He heard everyone was celebrating Valentine’s demise at Hunter’s Moon. However, Alec had nothing to celebrate. His _parabatai_ was dead and Magnus didn’t want him anymore. Alec spent hours trying to talk to Magnus, but there was still radio silence from the warlock.

“Liar…” Alec’s tears ran unrestrained on his face while he faced the city, once more at the Institute’s rooftop. “You called me a liar, but so are you, Magnus.”

_When things get crazy, don’t push me away._

_Just promise you will tell me if things ever get that bad._

“I tried to tell. You didn’t want to listen.” He let his phone fall on the floor.

At this point, all his wings were an ominous black. Some feathers were falling as if even they were exhausted of just be.

“I’m tired…” One step towards the edge.

“I’m sorry, Izzy, Max, mom.” Another step.

“I’m sorry for not being enough, Magnus.” He opened his wings and closed his eyes. The breeze tickled his skin, and for one second it felt like a caress. His heart and soul were bleeding red while his wings bled black.

He let them embrace him for the last time and then let himself fall.

The last thing in his mind was that it was okay.

He was so tired of trying.

Minutes later, his cellphone flashed with a single message.

_Alexander, can we talk?_

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have twitter, but you can always come to talk to me on [Tumblr](https://thelightofthebane.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
